GOP takes a Dive: Todd Akin Claims Breastmilk Cures Homosexuality

August 29, 2012 by  
Filed under Satire

Putting this in the Satire section as its impossible to believe this guy could even say this crap…. Regardless – Akin seems to be a creation of some Obama friendly Psy Op.

 

Daily Current

Missouri U.S. senate candidate Todd Akin has stoked more outrage today by claiming that male homosexuality is a disease and that the medical establishment has found the cure.

The Republican congressman, already under fire for his controversial comments regarding rape, told a reporter for Cape Giradeau’s KBSI 23 News that “female breastmilk – when fed directly to an adult homosexual male daily for at least four weeks – has a 94% chance of permanently curing homosexual perversions.”

“Lesbians can be cured by drinking something else.” (cough, choke…)

Akin made the scientifically dubious statement during an interview that was supposed to mark the “rebirth” of his campaign to defeat incumbent U.S. senator Claire McCaskill.

Akin was leading in the polls until August 19th when he told a local radio host that victims of “legitimate rape” could not become pregnant because “the female body has ways of shutting that whole thing down.” In the wake of the ensuing controversy his 11 point lead in the polls has turned into a 10 point deficit, and observers have written off his chances at winning the seat.

No Means No

Facing certain defeat, all major figures in the Republican Party have called for Akin to stand aside and allow another candidate to run. The Republican Senatorial Campaign Committee and several important outside groups have also pulled funding for his bid.

Despite the heavy pressure, Akin has refused to step aside saying he is in the race to win.

In the interview Akin explained that he will never back down from his beliefs and he is excited to bring his unique brand of conservatism to the U.S. Senate.

Ducking questions about his viability he proceeded to educate reporter Jeff Raskin on several issues very close to his heart including the global conspiracy to falsify the fossil record in the name of “radical Darwinism”, and the plot to turn Michigan into the capital of a new Islamic States of America.

Spray the Gay Away

But the congressman really hit his stride when discussing homosexuality.

“This may surprise you Jeff, but I don’t think homosexuality is a choice. We evangelicals, we know that it’s a disease. But the good news is – we have the cure.”

Akin then explained, “The National Institutes of Health has treated hundreds of young men through clinical trials at their headquarters in Maryland. They don’t want the public to know because the secular liberal elites have succeeded in brainwashing the public into believing that homosexuality is a positive thing.”

“We now know how to purge men of sin and put them on a path towards god. Why can’t every gay man in America have that knowledge? Just 4 weeks of live breastfeeding can cure them of their terrible suffering. Why aren’t we talking about this?”

Somewhat dumbfounded by the brazenness of Akin’s pronouncement, the reporter then asked if this supposed treatment only worked on men.

“Lesbians can be cured by drinking something else,” Akin replied “I’ll leave that one to your imagination.”

Claire McCaskill has issued a statement denouncing Akin’s latest gaffe as “an outrageous and offensive pseudo-scientific slander” and called on national Republicans to “respect the choice of Missourians” and allow Akin to continue his campaign.

UPDATE: Reader Tami has sent us her version of how Time magazine should respond to today’s news.

 

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