Ferguson Gang Leader says “Eric Holder Paid Us To Start Riots”

August 25, 2014 by  
Filed under Satire

Ferguson Riots Being Exacerbated by Violent Provocateurs

 

now – “satire” (good because it resembles the truth!) 

Eric Holder’s career has survived a long list of scandals; The 2008 Black Panther debacle, overturning Arizona’s immigration laws and ‘Fast and Furious‘ immediately spring to mind. These, however, pale in comparison to the recent allegations against Holder, the likes of which could easily land the Attorney General behind bars.

Evidence has been uncovered showing Eric Holder contributed funds to Ferguson’s gang population as incentive to loot and spread civil unrest in the area. These angry, government-sponsored terrorists have systematically infiltrated peaceful protests with the intention of escalating the situation and inciting riots.

A local gang leader came forward last week after being arrested during a night of mass-looting. The unnamed criminal is using his information to bargain for a reduced sentence.

Allegedly, Holder’s goal behind pouring the proverbial gasoline on an already volatile scene is to test militarized police  response in a martial law scenario . It is also suspected that the riots have been started as the latest in distractions from the diabolical duo of Obama and Holder. This isn’t the first time they have created a media bait-and-switch to cover up any of their numerous crimes and blunders .

Officials have yet to publicly identify the damaging evidence submitted by the gang member, and are still in the process of verifying the legitimacy of said items.  Judge Rineheart of the 22nd Circuit Court in St. Louis is presiding over the case, and has reviewed the materials. During a phone interview with National Report Judge Rineheart stated  “The evidence I have seen is incredibly convincing.”

Holder is not yet officially charged with a crime, but it’s expected that a warrant could be issued for him within the coming days. Obama’s spokespeople have declined to comment.

 

Continue Reading on nationalreport.net …

John Oliver on Ferguson Mo: Police Are Not Soldiers, So Why Are They Wearing F*cking Camo?

August 21, 2014 by  
Filed under Satire

The “Last Week Tonight” host explains how U.S. towns like Ferguson became militarized with the excuse of the drug war and 9/11 and offers some possible solutions to the conflict in Missouri. The first step, says Oliver, would be to stop treating civilians with the same patronizing irritation that the governor (NIXON)of Missouri has displayed in addressing the situation. Next would be to direct some of that anger toward a police force that needs to have its “toys,” such as tanks and riot gear, taken away since they’re unnecessary in American suburbs and cops aren’t even trained to use them.

The comedian also points out that more appropriate attire for police wishing to blend in in Ferguson would be outfits that resemble a Dollar Store.

Also See:

‘SNL’ Political Secrets Revealed: Hillary’s “Entitlement,” the Sketch Obama Killed and the Show’s “Karl Rove”

August 20, 2014 by  
Filed under Satire

Nooooo… Politicians and their masters dont control the media / entertainment Industry… nope… Not at all (burp) 

RIP DON PARDO! 

 

This story first appeared in the Aug. 29 issue of The Hollywood Reporter magazine.

From Chevy Chase’s bumbling commander in chief to Tina Fey‘s dim-witted veep wannabe, political satire always has been a part of Saturday Night Live. And over its 39 seasons, actual politicians have clamored to be in on the joke. President Ford, running for a second term against a peanut farmer named Jimmy Carter, appeared on the show’s very first season, in April 1976, to deliver the cold open (“Live from New York, it’s Saturday night!”). Since then, presidents, first ladies and candidates of all stripes have made campaign stops at Studio 8H.

For a time, after 9/11, the cast and writers gave politics a rest. As Amy Poehler recalls, “The news was so bad [we] could barely do anything political.” But political humor made a roaring comeback with the 2008 election. That political cycle’s most bizarre media meta-moment had to have beenSarah Palin appearing on SNL on Oct. 18, 2008, alongside Fey impersonating Palin (the segment helped the show draw its largest audience in 14 years with 14 million viewers).

A new edition of the classic Saturday Night Live oral history, Live From New York, by Pulitzer Prize-winning Washington Post television critic Tom Shales and his collaborator James Miller (on sale Sept. 9), adds 200 pages of new material to the original 2002 book, updating the story through the2000s. THR‘s exclusive excerpt reveals some of the behind-the-scenes battles and backstage shenanigans that shaped the political landscape of the past decade — including how presidential candidate Hillary Clinton made a last-minute decision in 2007 to cancel her SNL appearance, opening the door for a certain senator from Illinois to take her place — and even influenced the outcome of presidential campaigns.
— Andy Lewis

 

I. The 2008 election

Lorne Michaels, executive producer: We were contacted by, I think, Howard Wolfson from Hillary [Clinton’s] campaign, and they wanted to do the first show of the season. [BarackObama was heating up, but they called first, so I said OK. You have to play by those rules. And then, the week of, they bailed. I went, “Really? You called us, and we gave it to you.” I think every now and then I get carried away and think we actually do have influence. And then, after that, we put Obama on the date when Hillary was supposed to be on. The sense of entitlement which was following her everywhere at that point peaked for me at the bailing.

Horatio Sanz, castmember: I always kind of felt bad when Will Ferrell did his Bush impression because he was such a good old boy that you really didn’t think, “Oh, this evil little rich prick whose dad and his friends got him in office.” You thought, “Oh, he’s just a good old guy I’d like to drink beer with.” As funny as Will’s impression was, the audience as a whole, the whole country, would probably see that as, “Oh, I like Bush. Because he’s Will.” You know, if Will hadn’t done that impression, or at least made him likable, it may have tipped it the other way. I honestly think so. We made up for it. I think Tina’s impression basically killed Sarah Palin.

Will Forte, castmember: I did not want to do Bush. I’m not an impersonator. Those presidential election periods and those great debates that I’d seen over the years were a really special thing about the show, but I felt like I was part of the one period that might not have been so great just because I didn’t think that I was that good. It’s a shame because Seth Meyers did a great John Kerry; he would hold up his end of the deal, but I just didn’t give him anything great to play off of. It was also hard because Will Ferrell was so good at it. It was almost like somebody coming in and taking over the role of Church Lady. That’s Dana Carvey; nobody else can do Church Lady. And that’s kind of what it felt like with George Bush. You can’t retire George Bush because somebody’s gotta be him.

Will Ferrell, castmember: I get asked in a press junket, “Do you have a good Obama up your sleeve?” and I’m like, “No.” Once I left the show, I stopped trying to think of political impressions. But also, Obama is difficult. He’s very dry and subtle. And yet you see Jay [Pharoah], and the people get it down, and you’re like, “Oh, there’s the impression.”

James Downey, producer-writer: If I had to describe Obama as a comedy project, I would say, “Degree of difficulty, 10 point 10.” It’s like being a rock climber looking up at a thousand-foot-high face of solid obsidian, polished and oiled. There’s not a single thing to grab onto — certainly not a flaw or hook that you can caricature. [Al] Gore had these “handles,” so did Bush, and Sarah Palin, and even Hillary had them. But with Obama, it was the phenomenon — less about him and more about the effect he had on other people and the way he changed their behavior. So that’s the way I wrote him.

Fred Armisen, castmember: My approach to everything in life is, “Sure, I’ll give it a try.” I knew they were looking for an Obama, so when Lorne called me into his office and [producer] Marci Klein said, “Let Fred do it,” and Lorne was like, “Would you want to try it?,” I was just like, “OK, I’ll give it a try.” They asked me on a Tuesday, and I think I did it that Saturday. I bought Obama’s book on iTunes, and I watched videos.

Jay Pharoah, castmember: I did an event at Harvey Weinstein‘s house — very nice; I’d never been there. I was trying to take my makeup off because I was [Obama] at this event, and [Obama] stood right there watching me do it. He was laughing; it was so petrifying. As long as there’s no beef between me and the president, that’s good. When that happens, you’re Kanye West.

Downey: The biggest risk to doing political comedy is, you always seem to have a choice: Am I going to piss off the audience by trying to get them to laugh when they don’t like what I’m saying, or am I going to kiss their ass and get this tremendous wind at my back by sucking up to them? The second way makes me feel like I cheated. I’m sure there are a lot of people in comedy who completely share every f—ing detail, jot and tittle of the Obama administration agenda, and all I can say is: To the extent that you’re sincere and that’s really the way you feel, then you’re a very lucky person because, guess what, you’re going to have a very easy career in comedy because audiences will always applaud. They may not laugh, but they’ll always give you [a] huge ovation. That’s Bill Maher, you know?

Robert Smigel, writer: It wasn’t until my last season that the network refused to air a “TV Funhouse.” It was a live-action one that was meant to be about racism and profiling, an airline-safety video with multilingual narration, and whenever you heard a different language, they would cut to people of that nationality. First, typical white Americans, then a Latino family, then a Japanese family, all being instructed about seat belts, overhead compartments, et cetera. Then it cuts to an Arab man, and the narrator says, in Arabic, “During the flight, please do not blow up the airplane. The United States is actually a humanitarian nation that is rooted in the concept of freedom,” and so on. … When the standards people freaked, Lorne fought them. Standards pushed back hard. They even got someone at NBC human resources to condemn it. … Lorne said, “I have a plan.” Obama was doing a cameo in the cold open. Lorne told me he would show my sketch to Obama. “If Obama thinks it’s OK, they won’t be able to argue it.” I thought it was a brilliant idea, except why would Obama ever give this thing his blessing? What if word got out? “Hey, everybody, that guy over there said it was cool. The one running for president of the country.” But I loved Lorne for caring this much and being willing to go that far to get this thing on TV.

Downey: There was one Bush piece I did a couple times in dress that I think died twice and was never on. It was after Abu Ghraib. I knew I was in very dangerous comedy territory, and it was a piece where Bush was trying to justify Abu Ghraib. He was addressing the nation and saying it was an attempt, maybe awkward on our part, to make Iraqis more comfortable with their bodies. There was something about the joy of the nudist lifestyle, and I remember at one point it had a joke like, “Many people have objected to the fact that the detainees were forced to mime sex acts. Now, is it the fact that it was sex acts that you find offensive or is it that it was homosexual sex acts? Think about that, then tell me who’s in the wrong here.” I thought it was funny. It was a desperate attempt to turn the tables on critics. When we did the sketch [in dress rehearsal], it was like a death camp in there; the audience was like, “No.” There’s not laughing, and then there’s aggressive silence.

Sanz: I don’t think the show itself has ever let its freak flag fly in the last 20 years. Lorne’s very concerned with being neutral so he wants to make fun of everyone. … He doesn’t want the show to be this liberal bash rag. He may be a little more conservative than he lets on. … And you also have Jim Downey, who’s basically the Karl Rove of SNL. He’s always writing the right wing sketches, and honestly I think a lot of times they’re out of tune with the audience. … I think Lorne sometimes leans too much on Downey and not enough on guys like Seth. Basically in the last couple of years, it’s been Seth going up against Downey to set the show’s tone on politics, and I think we could definitely have been harder on the right. They deserved it, and we dropped the ball as far as getting them.

Downey: My mission is to try to write a funny piece using politics as the subject matter, and so I go with what I think is the most interesting, potentially funny idea that no one else is talking about.

Sanz: The week that Nancy Pelosi was made speaker, the only thing that we could come up with at the time was, because she was from San Francisco, to make her a dominatrix. I thought that was really, really cheap. … It was pretty frustrating. And it continues to be frustrating. I don’t really like watching the political scenes that much anymore because they’re not written in the writers’ and actors’ tone. They’re written like Downey wants to put this message out. And I think that’s kind of shitty.

Downey: I used to write this stuff with Al Franken when we started out; I was a standard-issue Harvard graduate commie, and Al was like a Democratic Party stalwart. I had contempt for the partisan stuff. And I became more conservative over the years, to the point where I’m now a conservative Democrat, which means in Hollywood terms I’m a McCarthyite, I suppose. But I have to say, and even Franken agrees with me — I’ve talked to him about this — that the last couple seasons of the show were the only two in the show’s history where we were totally like every other comedy show: basically, an arm of the Hollywood Democratic establishment. [JonStewart was more nuanced. We just stopped doing anything which could even be misinterpreted as a criticism of Obama.

Smigel: My last cartoon, in February 2008, was “The Obama Files” — about candidate Obama’s efforts to distance himself from Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton without alienating them. It turned out that on the same show, Hillary Clinton made a cameo in the cold open. She was planning to leave right after, but Lorne liked the cartoon and asked her to hang around for 20 more minutes and watch it. She was laughing a lot at the cartoon. Then about halfway in, I remembered that the ending might not be as much fun. It had Sharpton and Jackson falling through a trapdoor and landing in a “community van” with other political liabilities, including Bill Clinton, who then asks the driver to head for spring break. Relatively tame, but still it’s her husband. Fortunately, Poehler walked in just before then. Hillary still saw it and chuckled politely, but her focus was split and awkwardness was averted. Later, I saw Lorne, and the first thing out of his mouth was, “I forgot about the Bill part.” I assure you, the fact that it was my last cartoon is a total coincidence.

From the book Live From New York (newly updated and expanded for SNL’s 40th season) by James Andrew Miller and Tom Shales. Copyright © 2014 by Thomas W. Shales and Jimmy the Writer, Inc. Reprinted by permission of Little, Brown and Company, New York, NY. All rights reserved.

Read the rest at Hollywood Reporter

More Birther Jokes: Obama Hits Fox News, CNN, MSNBC, GOP, Rand Paul + Cliven Bundy at WHCD

May 4, 2014 by  
Filed under Satire

Saturday at the White House Correspondents Dinner President Obama went to his standard comedy playbook warming up with a few self self-deprecation shots but then the President went into his standard Fox News, GOP bashing joking “Let’s face it, Fox, you’ll miss me when I’m gone. It’ll be a lot harder to convince people Hillary was born in Kenya.”…

 

Video: Stephen Colbert Takes On “Common Core”

April 12, 2014 by  
Filed under Satire

Comedy Central frontman Stephen Colbert, who will soon replace David Letterman on CBS’s “Late Show,” openly mocked the Obama administration’s Common Core education standards.

Colbert first poked fun at the public’s widespread paranoia of the standards, but he then shared some examples of confusing Common Core assignments, suggesting that perhaps that paranoia is warranted.

The Daily Show nails White House over NSA Spying and Obama-Care Memes

December 11, 2013 by  
Filed under Satire

Jon Stewart Nails Obama on NSA: ‘If You Like Your Spy, You Can Keep Your Spy’

On last night’s edition of The Daily Show, host Jon Stewart completely ripped into the National Security Agency (NSA) and President Obama’s rhetoric concerning the agency’s actions. Stewart details the President’s pandering to the American people and details some of the lies told about the NSA.

“Rules are made to broken” Stewart declared, before correcting himself noting that he was actually thinking about small glass figurines.

Jon Stewart kicked off Monday night with the latest NSA revelations: the surveillance agency was monitoring World of Warcraft, Second Life, and Xbox Live. Stewart used the occasion to recap some of the biggest NSA stories this year, taking shot after shot at President Obama for not exactly being forthcoming about what the NSA’s really been up to. How bad did it get? After Stewart methodically went point-by-point down the line about all the revelations contradicting Obama, he then explained Obama’s plan all along was “If you like your NSA spy, you can keep your NSA spy.”

( here is the link:)

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-december-9-2013/that-thing-they-said-they-re-not-doing–they-re-totally-doing

Pentagon Announces Pre-Deployment Training To Take Place In Detroit And Chicago

November 17, 2013 by  
Filed under Satire

Its satire! Note it is in the Satire section. Its good satire (allegedly) because it has a ring of truth. South Chicago aint laughing I guess….

My Money is on these guys and their rivals!

 

THE PENTAGON — Troops headed overseas will soon be offered the most realistic combat training yet, as Pentagon officials announced late Friday that pre-deployment training would take place in Detroit and Chicago.

“We wanted to offer our soldiers and Marines realistic urban environments, a local populace that hates police and other government officials, and lots of gunfire,” said Lt. Col. Mike Hayes, an Army spokesman. “Hell, you hit more than those three if you walk in Flint, Michigan after dark.”

Pentagon sources confirmed that Detroit and Chicago offer much better training opportunities than built-up towns of conex boxes filled with actors playing Afghan insurgents.

“Instead, now we have an ultra-realistic city, bullets, and real gunshot wounds to soldiers who happen to roll into the wrong gang territory,” Hayes said. “Think of how much better our medics are going to be.”

In addition to gang retaliation and gunshot wounds, soldiers training at Detroit’s six-week infrastructure rebuilding and destabilizing course will learn to master providing electricity, water, and other basic services to the civilian populace while being stifled by realistic government corruption and mismanagement.

“I’m convinced that by the time these troops get overseas after training in these shitholes, Afghanistan will be a piece of cake,” Hayes said.

Read more: HERE
THIS IS ACTUALLY REAL –

 

 

Jon Stewart returns to blast Obama administration, Congress on Syria

September 5, 2013 by  
Filed under Satire

Jon Stewart returned to Comedy Central’s “Daily Show” Tuesday night after spending the summer directing a film in Jordan, and the host wasted no time in going after the Obama administration and Congress members on Syria.

Correspondent John Oliver filled in for Mr. Stewart for eight of the 12-week break, and he gave the returning host an on-air rundown of the summer’s news.

“Wow! America taking military action against a Middle East regime? It’s like I never left,” the host said, before leading into a segment called “Uncle Jonny Stew’s Good Time Syria Jamboree,” featuring presidents who delivered various threats against Middle Eastern countries.

The host then cracked jokes like, “Saudi Arabia, Qatar and Syria walk into a bar called ‘America Is Not Planning on Bombing You,’ and the bartender says, ‘Uh, I don’t think you should be in here, Syria.”

He played a clip of Secretary of State John Kerry mentioning “signatures of sarin [gas],” and turned “Signatures of Sarin” into a sensual Calvin Klein fragrance, “because love is blind… now.”

The host blasted proponents of a Syria strike as 7th-grade bullies and exploded at the “parade of idiots,” which included Donald Rumsfeld, Bill Kristol and L. Paul Bremer, who have been vocal about the conflict.

Stewart spent the summer directing “Rosewater,” which is based on the book “Then They Came For Me” — journalist Maziar Bahari’s memoir of his 118-day ordeal in Iranian prison, Today reported.

Remy: I Saw Daddy Pat Down Santa Claus (A Very TSA Christmas Song)

December 20, 2012 by  
Filed under Satire

What happens when the holiday season’s most frequent flier meets the TSA?

Mitt Romney Style (Gangnam Style Parody)

October 8, 2012 by  
Filed under Satire

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